The Tabasco Debacle
by MissyForPrimeMinister
Summary: Charlie wants to learn a new skill to help with his transition to Earth. How hard could cooking possibly be?


p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Studying always made Matteusz hungry. His first term physics mark had been quite a wake-up call, and despite his unhoned study habits, he had managed to spend a few hours deciphering his notes from Quill's class./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"It was because of this that Matteusz was particularly grateful when he got home and opened the door to reveal the smell of food. He was also surprised, as Quill had threatened to evict Charlie the first and only time he had requested she feed them. The boys had been surviving on microwave dinners and takeaway since then./span/p/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"It turned out to be his boyfriend standing in the kitchen, wearing a comically large apron with a gaudy flower pattern. Matteusz stifled a laugh upon concluding that Charlie must have bought it for the occasion, given that Quill wouldn't be caught within five metres of anything cheerful./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""What are you cooking?" he asked, grinning at Charlie. "It smells…" Matteusz paused, noticing another layer to the smell wafting from the kitchen. "I think something is burning. Would you like me to help you?"/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""Oh, no," Charlie said dismissively, forcing a smile that was unable to completely hide the panic in his eyes. "I would very much like to learn this 'cooking' activity on my own. I will bring yours when it is finished."/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""Matteusz retreated to the living room, noting the location of the fire extinguisher on his way there./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""What now?" Charlie muttered, glancing at the pot of sauce that he hadn't stirred for the past half hour. It seemed to be burning. He hastily pulled the pot off the stove, which, to his credit, he remembered to turn off./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""This process was much more complicated than their usual routine, and Charlie wondered why humans bothered with home cooking at all. The food he had unearthed from the back of the cupboard did not seem nearly as flavourful as pizza or Chinese food. The jar of liquified tomatoes had promised to be "Just Like Grandma's", whatever that meant, and the "spaghetti noodles" were a very different variety than what he was used to. Charlie frequently consumed noodles from the restaurant down the street, but they were soft; these were just long, rigid sticks, which did not seem very easy to digest. Shrugging, he shook a generous serving onto each plate. Were these meant to be eaten with a spoon or a fork?/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Charlie decided to attend to this dilemma later, and picked up the pot of tomato sauce. It smelled unusual, but surely it was still edible. He poured some onto each pile of noodles. Realizing that this did not seem like enough food, Charlie reached back into the cupboard. There was a box of cookies, which he knew were customary to consume during the after-dinner ritual. He set these aside and pulled out some more sauce and a jar of pickles. Upon closer inspection, the sauce was called "Tabasco". Was this another variety of tomato? Charlie did not know, but maybe it would improve the burnt sauce. He drizzled some onto each plate and served the pickles on the side./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Just to be safe, Charlie placed a fork, small spoon and large spoon on each plate. The spaghetti looked difficult to cut, so he pulled two sharp knives from the block on the counter. This must be what those were for. He had been concerned about Quill's intentions the first time he had noticed them. /p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Charlie grabbed one plate in each hand and made his way to the living room. Although it had been a challenge, he was quite pleased with himself for successfully learning to cook./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Matteusz paused the television to take his plate. "I am watching a movie about dinosaurs. Is that all right?"/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""Of course. I think I've heard of those."/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Charlie sat down and inspected his plate. He looked at Matteusz for a clue on how to proceed, but his boyfriend was just staring at the food. Perhaps he wasn't hungry yet./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Charlie cautiously grasped a pile of spaghetti between the two spoons and took a bite. The texture was certainly strange. As he chewed the crunchy noodles, he noticed that they seemed to be burning his tongue. /p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Matteusz had sawed some spaghetti off with the knife and was tentatively raising it to his mouth. He sighed in resignation before taking a bite. Charlie had obviously failed to grasp the fundamentals of cooking, but Matteusz did appreciate the effort. Perhaps he could stomach a bit of the food and put the rest in the fridge to "save for later". /p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"He was immediately overtaken by a coughing fit as he swallowed a generous helping of Tabasco. /p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""Charlie - " he gasped, "what have you put in the spaghetti?"/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Charlie's head shot up in concern. "I - something called Tabasco. I thought it would improve the sauce. You're not allergic, are you?" /p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Before he had finished his sentence, Matteusz was already sprinting to the kitchen. Charlie found him with his head under the faucet, furiously gulping water. After several minutes, he finally surfaced./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""What happened?" Charlie asked, panicked. "Do you need medical attention?"/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Matteusz was laughing./p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""Are you in shock?" /p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""No," he choked out between fits of laughter. "I think - I think I need to - teach you how to cook properly."/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;""Was the food not acceptable? It did seem to burn my tongue a bit."/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Matteusz put one hand on Charlie's shoulder, still grinning. "I think this is a conversation for another night. There are some leftovers in the fridge."/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"He reheated the food and brought it to the living room, where Charlie was examining his culinary experiment. "Perhaps I should have added ketchup instead."/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Matteusz just smiled and unpaused the movie. "You are very strange sometimes, you know that?"/p  
p style="color: #000000; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"Charlie watched in disbelief as a herd of velociraptors devoured a man on the television. "Did you say this was a documentary?"u/uspan style="text-decoration: line-through;"/span/p 


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